Story of the Day

Let's find our funny Story of the day....

Just follow the Tracks

Three men are stranded in the middle of the Canadian Forest and they don't know where they are at. They decide that they have to find some food. So the first man leaves and tells the other two that he is going to get some food.

Several Hours later, he comes back with a deer over his shoulder. The other two are amazed and ask him how he got a deer with no weopans. He replies, " I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get deer". They both are slightly confused but let it go.

oneweek later, they have eaten the deer, so they need to get more food. The second guy leaves and says that he is going to get food. He comes back a couple hours later with a elk over his shoulder. The other two ask how he got the elk. He simply replies, "I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get Elk".

five days later, they have eaten the elk, so they need more food. The third guy, feeling very cocky, thinks to himslef, " This is going to be a piece of cake. The other guys got the other animals so easy. I'm going to get an animal better than their's put together!". So he leaves to get some food. They wait a couple hours... he doesn't come back. They wait another couple hours, he is still missing.

Finally, after nine hours of waiting, they see him coming back. His clothes are torn rags, he is covered in dirt with scrapes and bruises all over his body. He is bleeding from different gashes in his arms and legs along with one on the side of head. They ask, " What happened!". He looks at them, wide-eyed and confused, and replies, " I find tracks, I follow tracks, i get hit by train".

Season Ticket

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."

"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."

"Season's more than half over," he said.

Sure Way of Telling a Mans real age

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29".

"I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."


As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."


Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"


The old lady replies, "I was in line behind you at McDonalds."

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice...


The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."

The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

Do not argue with ladies


I am sure that the taxi cab driver learnt that it pays to keep
your mouth shut is some situations
A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Montreal.
It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the
awnings.
"Mom" said the boy "what are all those women doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work" she
replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says "Is that true Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the
affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"Most of them become taxi drivers" she said.

Apple Product in Family

Pool uncle has paid all the electronic expenses for the children....

Eating Grass

Link
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

You Are The Father Of One Of My Kids


Lady On Phone:
"Hi Sir, I want To Meet & Talk To You.
You Are The Father Of One Of My Kids."
Man Is Stunned and says:
"Oh my God!"
R U Jessica?
No.
Pamela?
No.
Anna?
No
Christina?
No.
Joella?
No.
Elissa?
No.
Lady in confusion:
"Sir, I am The Class Teacher Of Your Son."

Harms of alcohol

A teacher in a high school, famous for his high regard for social values, was teaching the students on the harms of alcohol.

To demonstrate its adverse effect on the human nervous system, he took a worm and dropped it into a bowl of gin & tonic.

The worm wriggled around for a few minutes before finally giving a few convulsive twitches and dying.

“So what can you conclude from it?”, asked the teacher, expecting that the answer is too obvious.

“Yes,” came a voice from the back, “if you have got worms in your stomach, alcohol is a real medicine for that.”

Chinese quality

A chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.

At the funeral house a family member of the African woman kept sobbing and crying,and kept saying I JUST KNEW IT!!

So a family elder pulled her aside and discreetly asked her
'what she knew?'

She replied 'Chinese products don't last long!!!!

An Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've
got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Hard to find


Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, ‘I think I will divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.’

Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,

‘You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.’